she's fucking depressed

December 15, 2023 @ 4:57pm (On Stagnancy) 

I need a place to be emo (Clue says I shouldve gotten my period yesterday.) I feel stagnant. Morose. I feel like I’m in Egypt, below the Earth, in the tombs below the pyramids. I feel like I’ve been mummified alive, but as someone immortal. I dont feel any threat to my physical safety & needs but I anguish in boredom, wanting to move & break free but the linen binds me tightly. I can’t move. And I anguish. And I can’t move. Like in dreams when you try to move but it feels so hard and heavy. As if you’re literally trying to act against the paralysis imposed on your muscles during deep sleep. I can’t move. I’m in my bed, I can’t move. And I anguish. A low, murmuring anguish. A rumbling. Sometimes waves of helplessness and frustration slip onto my heart and into the crevices of its canals for a moment, before ebbing away. Like when a group is walking through the ruins of where a great battle was fought, looking for treasure or something, trying to solve a great mystery, and they pass all the dead people that tried before they did, rotting away propped up on the wall. One guy propped up, brown charred flesh frozen in one pose forever: eyes a bit bulged, permanently looking up to the sky, mouth hanging open in a perpetual silent scream. Burnt flesh and rotting, that’s me.